Peyton On Beginning Of Manning Era In Denver: ‘I Will Break My Neck’

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Vol 48 Issue 32

Occasional Butts

AMC 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Amanda walks out of the bathroom to put on a robe. Jared and David talk in the locker room after racquetball.

Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting

BROOKLYN, NY—Sitting in the living room of his apartment Wednesday, a visibly anxious Drew Johnson told reporters that, fuck, his roommates want to have a meeting as soon as everyone can find a moment. According to the 24-year-old production assista...

Thursday, August 16

Authorities will be coming by homes to collect all children born the week of June 11-17 as foretold in the prophecy.

Just Give Us Five Episodes

CBS 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Detective Seth Murray and his hard-nosed colleagues take some getting used to, we know, but just stick with them and you’ll probably come around.

Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

Eviction proceedings were formally brought against accused Aurora, CO gunman James Holmes on Wednesday, with his landlord citing the tenant’s murder of 12 theatergoers, damage to the premises, and rigging of multiple explosive devices in the apartme...
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Peyton On Beginning Of Manning Era In Denver: ‘I Will Break My Neck’

ENGLEWOOD, CO— Speaking to reporters from Broncos training camp, quarterback Peyton Manning confirmed Thursday that the exciting new Manning era in Denver will be immortalized with the breaking of his neck. "It might not be this season, it might not even be next season, but at some point during my time as a Denver Bronco, my neck will splinter into pieces," said the four-time MVP, adding that after multiple surgeries and a spinal fusion to repair significant nerve damage, his neck was "practically waiting to be snapped in half." "You're all going to watch it happen, too. It will be disgusting and incredibly, incredibly painful, and you’ll probably see a million replays of it afterward. There's a really good chance it will be a compound fracture and the bones will be bent at a 90-degree angle and jutting out of my throat." As of press time, Manning had been secured to a stretcher and carefully loaded into an ambulance after shattering four intervertebral disks and severing his cervical spinal nerve while attempting to remove his jersey.

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