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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Phil Jackson Enjoying Retirement On Montana Ranch With Egomaniacal Livestock Who Hate Each Other

LAKESIDE, MT—In a rare interview from his Montana ranch that aired Saturday on SportsCenter, former Lakers coach Phil Jackson said he has found his retirement dealing with the egos of his star cattle who all hate each other relaxing. "It's nice to just be out here enjoying the quiet of nature, meditating on the leisurely pace of pastoral life, and juggling the personalities of a few talented animals who would rather spend all day squabbling about who's ranch this is than just go out and do what they're supposed to be here to do," said Jackson, repairing his trademark triangle fence after a steer decided it was holding him back. "There's nothing I would rather be doing in my halcyon days than placating selfish beings who want all the grass for themselves." Later, Jackson showed the cameras a cow he explained wanted to be sold to another ranch, and then suddenly killed and butchered it and ate one of its steaks raw.

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