adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Phil Jackson Enjoying Retirement On Montana Ranch With Egomaniacal Livestock Who Hate Each Other

LAKESIDE, MT—In a rare interview from his Montana ranch that aired Saturday on SportsCenter, former Lakers coach Phil Jackson said he has found his retirement dealing with the egos of his star cattle who all hate each other relaxing. "It's nice to just be out here enjoying the quiet of nature, meditating on the leisurely pace of pastoral life, and juggling the personalities of a few talented animals who would rather spend all day squabbling about who's ranch this is than just go out and do what they're supposed to be here to do," said Jackson, repairing his trademark triangle fence after a steer decided it was holding him back. "There's nothing I would rather be doing in my halcyon days than placating selfish beings who want all the grass for themselves." Later, Jackson showed the cameras a cow he explained wanted to be sold to another ranch, and then suddenly killed and butchered it and ate one of its steaks raw.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close