MINNEAPOLIS—Citing the poor quality of both the design and craftsmanship, members of the Hunter family told reporters Friday that the home’s versatile game table could be easily converted to play small, shitty versions of pool, air hockey, and foosball.
LOS ANGELES—Lakers head coach Phil Jackson, evidently incensed over new acquisition Pau Gasol's inability to quickly grasp either Jackson's complicated "triangle" offense or the ineffable fashion in which the universe moves through a man as a man moves through the universe, subjected Gasol's ch'i to a 10-minute tirade during practice Monday. "Do you call that an exultant alignment of the third through sixth chakras? Do you? Huh? Because I don't," an irate Jackson said to Gasol's primal life-energy force, his eyes fixed at a point approximately 10 inches over the bemused power forward's head. "Is that how they reverberate in universal harmony in Memphis? Did you learn to exult to the music of the spheres like that in Barcelona? Because it's the most piss-poor reverberation and exultation I've seen in a while, and I coached Luc Longley." Gasol, shaken, was unable to achieve oneness with the Void for the rest of the day.