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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Phil Mickelson Demands Scott McCarron Publicly Apologize To Pitching Wedge

RANCHO SANTA FE, CA—In response to accusations of cheating that he called hurtful, insensitive, and simply not true, Phil Mickelson lashed out at Scott McCarron Thursday, demanding that his fellow PGA Tour member publicly apologize for humiliating Mickelson's 20-year-old pitching wedge. "You can say what you will about me, but you do not attack Ping-Eye 2," said Mickelson, addressing McCarron's claim that a loophole in the PGA Tour rules had been unfairly exploited to allow the club to take part in sanctioned competitions. "Scott, that pitching wedge has done nothing to you, yet you dare criticize the square grooves on its face? How could you? You either apologize to my wedge or I swear to God I will say things that will bring your stupid-looking putter to its knees." According to sources close to Mickelson, the two-time Masters winner has urged his pitching wedge to explore taking legal action against McCarron for slander.

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