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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Phil Mickelson Laughs Off 2nd-Place Finish, Blows Brains Out In Car

SANDWICH, ENGLAND—Following another tournament meltdown Sunday, the world’s sixth-ranked golfer Phil Mickelson joked to reporters at the British Open about missing a two-foot putt and making three bogeys on the final six holes before calmly walking to his Ford Expedition, getting into the driver’s seat, and blowing his brains out with a .357 Magnum revolver. “Ha, oh boy, looks like I choked again,” said a smiling Mickelson, who just minutes later removed the gun from his glove compartment, placed the barrel in his mouth, and screamed loudly before pulling the trigger. “Guess I let another major slip away, huh? Ha! Ha ha ha ha!” According to hospital reports, Mickelson was unable to successfully complete the suicide attempt, and although he will live, the damage to his bullet-riddled brain and extremely disfigured face is irreparable.

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