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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Phil Mickelson Shows Bubba Watson New Grip In Clubhouse Shower

PACE, FL—Saying he could show his fellow golfer a technique that would both "increase his control and allow him to go way longer," Phil Mickelson spent 20 minutes carefully and thoroughly demonstrating his personal grip to Bubba Watson in the clubhouse shower Sunday. "Not too tight, not too loose, see the way my fingers are? You can interlock them, you can overlap them, just not too tight is the important thing. Now swing away," a sudsy Mickelson told Watson, who is known for his trademark pink-shafted drivers, as rivulets of steaming water coursed down their bodies. "It's all in the wrist, let the club head do the work, find the sweet spot.... Yeah...yeah...that's right. You've got it. Beautiful. Uh-huh. Just keep on just like that." Watson later confided to friends that the useful lesson could have been less awkward if Mickelson had brought a club into the shower with him.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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