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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Phil Mickelson Shows Bubba Watson New Grip In Clubhouse Shower

PACE, FL—Saying he could show his fellow golfer a technique that would both "increase his control and allow him to go way longer," Phil Mickelson spent 20 minutes carefully and thoroughly demonstrating his personal grip to Bubba Watson in the clubhouse shower Sunday. "Not too tight, not too loose, see the way my fingers are? You can interlock them, you can overlap them, just not too tight is the important thing. Now swing away," a sudsy Mickelson told Watson, who is known for his trademark pink-shafted drivers, as rivulets of steaming water coursed down their bodies. "It's all in the wrist, let the club head do the work, find the sweet spot.... Yeah...yeah...that's right. You've got it. Beautiful. Uh-huh. Just keep on just like that." Watson later confided to friends that the useful lesson could have been less awkward if Mickelson had brought a club into the shower with him.

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