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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Phillies Win World Series, Nation Thinks

PHILADELPHIA—Americans are fairly sure, though unable to say for certain, that the Philadelphia Phillies won the 2008 World Series, thereby breaking their city's longstanding sports-championship drought.

"Yeah...I kind of think I remember seeing them celebrating before Family Guy was on," said Minnesota resident Ed Siclari, who believes the Phillies may have defeated the Red Sox or Yankees in the World Series and during the NLCS almost definitely played that team Manny Ramirez currently plays on. "I'm not sure whether it was close or a blowout, but I know the winning team had reddish uniforms. And there was that whole rain thing, unless that was last year?" After a quick Google search for "world series mvp," Siclari and the rest of the nation were surprised to learn the award did not go to Phillies slugger Howard Ryan.

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