Phoenix Coyotes Pretend Homeless Drifters At Greyhound Bus Station Are Fans Welcoming Team Home

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Vol 48 Issue 22

Ellen Cooper

Account manager Ellen Cooper only sighed audibly four times during last Tuesday's staff meeting.

Deadliest Catch: Fish Perspective

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Tonight, teams of fish equipped with special underwater cameras attempt to avoid the fishermen’s nets, but then they just swim away with all the cameras and footage.

Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose

ARLINGTON, MA—According to onlookers in Wright Park, local sad sack Morgan Jennings was intimidated, bullied, and sent fleeing for safety by a Canada goose today while walking beside the park's namesake pond. Sources said the 36-year-old benefits of...

Dinner For One

Food 10:00 p.m. EST/9:00 p.m. CST Four days after Kaitlin's decision to call off the engagement, host Adam Viscardi gazes vacantly into the camera while absentmindedly eating half a box of pancake mix.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Phoenix Coyotes Pretend Homeless Drifters At Greyhound Bus Station Are Fans Welcoming Team Home

PHOENIX—Upon returning from their elimination from the Western Conference Finals Tuesday, the Phoenix Coyotes convinced themselves that the homeless drifters occupying the Greyhound bus station were adoring fans waiting to welcome them back. "It eases the pain to see so many fans back here waiting for us, and it looks like most of them were even camping out for a while waiting for us," team captain Shane Doan said, after shaking the outstretched open hand of a mumbling homeless man. "From the sad looks and anguished faces, I can tell how much our loss truly pains these die-hards. Some of them kept saying, 'Please, help me.' All I could say was 'We'll get 'em next year!'" In related news, the conference champion Los Angeles Kings reportedly believed that the people who filled their arena during the series actually cared whether they won or lost.

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