Photo Of Masked Gunman Released

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Photo Of Masked Gunman Released

'This Was Taken During Halloween,' Says Lisa Gunman

KANSAS CITY, MO—A shocking photo was released to the public this afternoon of a masked Gunman spotted outside a local residence at an undisclosed time. “Okay, this photo was clearly taken during Halloween,” local cashier Lisa Gunman said. “I mean, Christ, I’m wearing a Catwoman costume. Can we cut this out already? I know my last name is Gunman, but this one’s kind of a stretch, don’t you think? It really just seems irresponsible at this point.” State and local authorities had no comment on the identity or whereabouts of the disguised Gunman.

This is an update of a previous story: Police Continue Search For Missing Gunman

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