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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Photojournalist Spends Month In Oval Office Blind To Capture Images Of Obama In Natural Habitat

WASHINGTON—Determined to create the definitive visual document of President Obama in his natural environs, award-winning photojournalist Bradlee Stoughton has reportedly staked out the Oval Office for the past month while concealed in a small camouflaged blind. “I spotted the noble and majestic president of the United States this morning perched regally in his chair, but the light wasn’t good enough to shoot,” Stoughton said Thursday, adding that he was initially disheartened after spending the first 10 days in the cramped blind without getting a single shot of the elusive commander-in-chief, who was away on an extended overseas diplomatic trip. “Still, I got a great photo of the magnificent creature threatening North Korea—a significant predator—via executive order, and a stunning panoramic shot of him and his mate tending to their young. It was breathtaking.” Stoughton remarked that he hopes his finished project will prove as important as Alfred Eisenstaedt’s Pulitzer-winning 1971 photo series of President Nixon cornering a chipmunk and viciously tearing it apart.

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