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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Piazza: 'I'm Just Excited To Be Able To Finish My Career Somewhere'

SAN DIEGO—During a press conference introducing him as the newest member of the Padres, Mike Piazza, the 37-year-old ex-Met catcher on the downside of his career, said he "couldn't be happier or more relieved" to have the opportunity to finish his career. "I have to admit, San Diego was always one of my top 30 choices," said Piazza, a free-agent who finalized a one-year deal with the Padres on Tuesday. "I was open to literally any possibility, but in the end, San Diego swooped in and met all my criteria: a contract, a major-league baseball team, and a spot on its roster." Piazza added that, now that his contract is settled, he can start focusing on getting in good enough shape to hit the three home runs he needs to reach 400 and coast to the Hall of Fame.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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