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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Pick-Up Swim Meet With Inner-City Kids Renews Michael Phelps' Love Of Swimming

LOS ANGELES—While walking the streets of poverty-stricken downtown Los Angeles Monday, despondent Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps witnessed, and participated in, a pick-up swim meet that reinvigorated his attitude towards the sport. "It had gotten to a point where all I cared about was winning gold medals, but seeing those kids—many of whom had absolutely nothing but their dreams—race the 400-meter individual medley and the 200-meter freestyle for the pure joy of it all brought me back to why I got into the sport in the first place," said Phelps, who reportedly won the respect of the swimmers and ultimately earned the right to come back to the Compton slum after the Olympics for September's pick-up invitational. "It was just like when I was coming up in the sport: 48 kids getting together on a Saturday, two captains picking a team, the divers going to their own section of the pool, and basically just having a good, old-fashioned, playground-rules three-hour swim meet." Phelps finished second in the 100-meter butterfly and fifth in the 200-meter individual medley.

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