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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Picking Thing Up From Apartment Floor Rescheduled For Thursday

DANIA, FL—Stating that things are “just really crazy right now,” local man James Kinter told reporters Monday that an appointment to pick up an object from his apartment floor would have to be moved to Thursday. “I’m super swamped—lots of stuff going on—so it’s going to be really tough for me to fit it in today,” Kinter said of moving the small, lightweight item that could be picked up and placed in its proper location in under five seconds. “The next few days are booked solid, too; the second half of the week is a lot more realistic. I’ll see how early Thursday morning looks and we’ll take it from there.” At press time, Kinter was looking directly at the object while lying on his couch.

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