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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Picking Thing Up From Apartment Floor Rescheduled For Thursday

DANIA, FL—Stating that things are “just really crazy right now,” local man James Kinter told reporters Monday that an appointment to pick up an object from his apartment floor would have to be moved to Thursday. “I’m super swamped—lots of stuff going on—so it’s going to be really tough for me to fit it in today,” Kinter said of moving the small, lightweight item that could be picked up and placed in its proper location in under five seconds. “The next few days are booked solid, too; the second half of the week is a lot more realistic. I’ll see how early Thursday morning looks and we’ll take it from there.” At press time, Kinter was looking directly at the object while lying on his couch.

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