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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Pier 1 Imports Unveils New Self-Defense Vase For Smashing Onto Head Of Home Invader

FT. WORTH, TX—Calling it the ideal accent piece for safeguarding one’s property, Pier 1 Imports unveiled Wednesday a new self-defense vase for smashing on the head of a home invader. “This new dappled blue vase with a gloss finish is designed to shatter upon contact with the skull of any intruder that tries to break into your home,” said spokeswoman Madeline Newland, explaining that it was the perfect decor item for an end table near the front door, bedroom window, or any other area of the house where someone might attempt to illegally enter. “The narrow design makes it easy to grip even with trembling hands, and the sturdy 3-pound body is certain to incapacitate even the brawniest of trespassers—there’s no need to sacrifice elegant design and craftsmanship to protect your family from a robber or potential murderer.” Newland added that the Etruscan-inspired vase is an excellent accompaniment to the Pasha heirloom security runner that can be used to roll up the intruder’s body once his head has been bashed in.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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