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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Pile Of Crap Excites Publicist

NEW YORK—Thomas Hill, publicist for the Scarsdale & Loeb Group, expressed his excitement over a great big pile of crap Thursday. "I'm really excited about the marketing possibilities for this enormous heap of worthless crap," said Hill. "There's a lot of buzz in Hollywood about it. Confidentially, Paramount has expressed interest. I think crap is going to be big in '97, and this promises to be some of the best crap yet. It's really fresh and exciting stuff." Hill was paid $600 by the crap's agent for the minute-long remark.

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