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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Piniella: 'Oh, First To Three Wins'

CHICAGO—Following the Cubs' first-round elimination from the playoffs, a stunned and confused Lou Piniella asked umpires and reporters to clarify the rules of division-series play, claiming he "could have sworn" that advancing to the NLCS involved losing three games as quickly as possible. "I thought we had the Diamondbacks right where we wanted them—we looked terrible out there, we had all the momentum on their side, and it seemed like the other team was practically trying to win," said Piniella, who claims he began getting suspicious before Game 3 due to the ease with which he lost the first two games. "Though, I guess when you think about it, this way makes lots more sense." Piniella promised that he would attempt to win the games in the NLDS next year should the Cubs amass the 90 losses needed to make it to the postseason.

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