adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pirates GM Unable To Trade Xavier Nady For Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter

PITTSBURGH—Despite a series of phone calls to Yankees general manager Brian Cashman made right up to Tuesday's 4 p.m. trade deadline, Pirates GM Dave Littlefield was unable to secure the rights to surefire Hall of Famers Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter in exchange for those of rightfielder Xavier Nady. "I don't understand… This was a trade that could have benefited both teams," said Littlefield, frustrated by the Yankees' refusal to consider the trade even after Littlefield sweetened the deal by offering shortstop Jack Wilson for pitcher Mariano Rivera. "We would have gained sorely needed offense in the infield, while the Yankees had a chance to get a little younger and pare payroll at the same time. Plus, they could have bolstered their defense, as Xavier plays first base, too." Littlefield also confirmed that that the St. Louis Cardinals had pulled the plug on a potential Shawn Chacon-for-Albert Pujols deal at the last second.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close