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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Pitchers And Catchers Report To Spring Training For Delousing

PHOENIX—In preparation for the fast approaching 2013 MLB preseason, the league’s pitchers and catchers reported to spring training for their annual delousing, sources confirmed Friday. “Every spring, we make sure to give these guys a lice shampoo treatment, a rigorous once-over with a steel comb to get at any nits, and destroy their infected uniforms and caps,” Milwaukee Brewers head athletic trainer Dan Wright told reporters while applying a thick, full-body lather to reliever John Axford and battery-mate Jonathan Lucroy. “It’s a long offseason, and sometimes our pitchers and catchers pick up a little something that you don’t want them bringing into the clubhouse. This procedure ensures that they start spring training clean, happy, and healthy.” According to league sources, the MLB has required all ball clubs to thoroughly delouse their pitchers and catchers since 2006, when Oakland A’s backstop Jason Kendall was responsible for an outbreak of pubic lice that spread like wildfire throughout the American League.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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