adBlockCheck

Pitchers, Catchers Report To Spring Training Bars

Top Headlines

Sports

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Pitchers, Catchers Report To Spring Training Bars

FT. MYERS, FL—MLB pitchers and catchers reported to spring training bars throughout Arizona and Florida Thursday, arriving early to properly loosen up and get back into drinking shape. “Everybody showed up on time to take advantage of the happy hour specials, and I’m confident that we are all ready to pound some brews and start this season off right,” said Red Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, polishing off the last of a pitcher of Budweiser. “You always feel a bit rusty picking up women for the first time in four or five months, but once you get good and lit it all starts coming back pretty easily.” Local fans were reportedly excited to see their favorite ballplayers at practices, exhibition games, and passed out on barstools.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close