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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Pitchers, Catchers Report To Spring Training Bars

FT. MYERS, FL—MLB pitchers and catchers reported to spring training bars throughout Arizona and Florida Thursday, arriving early to properly loosen up and get back into drinking shape. “Everybody showed up on time to take advantage of the happy hour specials, and I’m confident that we are all ready to pound some brews and start this season off right,” said Red Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, polishing off the last of a pitcher of Budweiser. “You always feel a bit rusty picking up women for the first time in four or five months, but once you get good and lit it all starts coming back pretty easily.” Local fans were reportedly excited to see their favorite ballplayers at practices, exhibition games, and passed out on barstools.

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