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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Pitchers Secretly Meet To Rehearse Skit Making Fun Of Catchers

TAMPA, FL—MLB pitchers snuck out of their bunks well past lights-out Tuesday night, meeting at the Tampa Bay Rays training facility to rehearse a skit making fun of the league's catchers, a source speaking on the condition of anonymity confirmed. According to the source, the skit is scheduled to be performed in front of the catchers during mid-day snack the day before the rest of the league's position players officially report to camp. "It's really, really funny," the source said through giggling fits, adding that Tom Glavine pretending to be Jorge Posada pretending to be a woman is "hilarious." "Also, the part where Pedro Martinez plays [American Idol host] Simon [Cowell], and he tears apart Jason Varitek's rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On' as performed by Josh Beckett is seriously the funniest thing I have ever seen." The source told various media present that he had to get back to his camp, saying that if Coach Francona knew that he was out late instead of rehabilitating his right shoulder, he may lose pitching privileges for the entire season, $8 million, and would not be allowed to go tubing Friday.

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