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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Pitt, Aniston To Quietly Separate

A rare photograph of the couple, who have chosen to go their separate ways.

LOS ANGELES—Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are quietly separating, Pitt's publicist Cindy Guagenti said Friday. "After seven years together, Brad and Jennifer have decided to separate, without a lot of fuss," said Guagenti in a fax quietly forwarded to major media outlets. "They understand that there might be some level of media curiosity, but would appreciate a measure of restraint, as both are modest and reclusive people who treasure their privacy." Out of respect for Pitt and Aniston's feelings, entertainment journalists have agreed not to cover the story, but Star magazine has published rumors that Pitt might have begun an acquaintanceship with the daughter of a well-known Hollywood actor.

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