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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Plane Delay Leaves Hundreds Whiny

ATLANTA—A flight-routing error at Hartsfield International Airport delayed the departure of Delta Airlines Flight 387 nearly 40 minutes, leaving over 200 travelers whiny and dozens more pissy. "This sucks," whined Janet Hoesch of Huntington Beach, CA. "What are we supposed to do, just sit here?" Free meal vouchers redeemable at any of the airport's 23 restaurants eased the whining only slightly. "Oh, great, 10 bucks worth of food," bitched Jim Heinrich, one of countless passengers left unappeased by the vouchers. "If they can't get us there on time, they should refund the whole ticket price."

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