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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Archivists Unearth Rare Early Career Paul Newman Salsa

WESTPORT, CT—Shedding light on the formative years of the late actor and philanthropist, researchers cataloging the personal archives of Paul Newman confirmed Friday they had uncovered a long-forgotten salsa from early in his career.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:
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Planet Fitness Offering New Lights-Off Hour So No One Can Watch You Work Out

NEWINGTON, NH—In an effort to reduce the amount of self-consciousness some members experience, gym chain Planet Fitness on Friday announced a new lights-off hour so no one can watch you work out. “During the hour of 5-6 p.m., all Planet Fitness centers will be dimmed almost to the point of total darkness so that everyone can exercise while avoiding the judgmental stares of people around them,” said spokesperson Gabe Eaton, explaining that all of their over 1,300 locations would, at the scheduled hour, promptly shut off all the lights and lower blackout shades over the windows, creating a near-impenetrable blackness in which members can confidently lift the lightest dumbbells using completely inappropriate form. “No one will be able to see well enough to look down on you, which means you no longer have to feel ashamed to work up an embarrassing amount of sweat while walking on a treadmill at a low speed and no incline. Likewise, nobody else will know that you wandered away from a weight machine because you couldn’t figure out how it worked and were slightly worried you’d break it.” Eaton went on to say that music would remain at normal levels, which means other members will still be able to hear you wheezing after two minutes on an elliptical.

More from this section

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Archivists Unearth Rare Early Career Paul Newman Salsa

WESTPORT, CT—Shedding light on the formative years of the late actor and philanthropist, researchers cataloging the personal archives of Paul Newman confirmed Friday they had uncovered a long-forgotten salsa from early in his career.

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