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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits

Big dreams are a way of life for Playboy centerfold Cyndi Tyler. The 22-year-old Miss January comes from a close-knit North Dakota family of big dreamers. "Since as long as I can remember," Tyler says, "I've been taught that you should dream big, and I do. I have really big dreams."

Tyler also has really big tits. Big tits also run in the Tyler family. Her mother, June, and her younger sister, Stephanie, both sport large, full tits. Tyler's chest measurement is 38 inches, and she wears a D-cup brassiere.

Tyler stares starward and smiles when talking about her dreams. "I want to run my own company one day," she says. "I want to go into marketing and help promote new computer and technology products that are environmentally sound." That, Tyler says, is her big dream.

Tyler's big tits are firm, bouncy tits with just a hint of a tan line left from her favorite Hawaiian Tropic bikini top. She smiles coquettishly and suggestively when cupping and cradling her tits.

Tyler believes in acting on her dreams. "Without a game plan, your dreams are never going to come true," she says. Tyler says she keeps a daily list of small, incremental goals which will lead, slowly but surely, to the fulfillment of larger life goals. "I'm very motivated," she added.

Tyler also believes in caressing her big tits. "I like to soap them up in the shower and massage them, then tease my nipples. Sometimes while I do this I dream of being kissed by my boyfriend." Tyler adds that she almost never caresses her big tits "without a game plan."

Tyler knows that belief in herself can only take her so far. "My family and friends are very supportive of me. They believe in me, and that gives me strength." It really helps me focus on my goals when I know the people around me have faith that I'll succeed."

Tyler enjoys having her big tits sucked and licked by her boyfriend. "When he does that to me, I always seem to reach my goal. Whether it's mild, pleasurable stimulation or all-out orgasm, I know that I'll succeed."

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