adBlockCheck

Player To Be Named Later Knows It's Him

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Player To Be Named Later Knows It's Him

ST. LOUIS—Following Monday's trade between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays involving several named individuals and a player to be named later, Double A Springfield Cardinals catcher Bryan Anderson revealed that he realizes the player to be named in the swap is him. "Come on, let's be honest—who else would it be?" Anderson said from in front of his newly empty locker, his fully packed equipment bag slung over his shoulder. "Everyone knows the Rays are looking for a young, cheap catching talent whose fate they can control for the next six years. In fact, I'd even bet my questionable status as a prospect was what got me onto the list of potential player matches, considering [the Devil Rays'] history of penny-pinching." Though Anderson was admittedly upset about the impending deal, he did concede it was better than being dealt for cash considerations.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close