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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Player's Career Arc Exactly Mirrors Second Verse Of Steve Miller's 'Rock 'N Me'

NORWALK, CT—While listening to the radio on his drive home Monday afternoon, former MLB player Terry Boylan realized that his professional career exactly mirrors the travels of the man in the Steve Miller Band song "Rock 'N Me." "I went from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A.," said Boylan, who was selected in the 1998 expansion draft by the Arizona Diamonbacks, traded to the Mariners and spent a season with their Triple-A affiliate Tacoma Rainiers, claimed by the Philadelphia Phillies in the 2000 Rule 5 draft, released and picked up off waivers the following year by the Atlanta Braves, and traded once more to the Dodgers of Los Angeles. "Then I went to northern California—where the girls are warm—when I signed as a free agent with the San Francisco Giants. Though I didn't go there to be with my sweet baby, incidentally that's where I met my future wife. Weird." Boylan added that he is not superstitious nor does he get suspicious, and his woman is a friend of his.

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