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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Players Drink Soda, Wear Sneakers, Drive Trucks On Grueling Day One Of NFL Endorsement Combine

INDIANAPOLIS—The first day of the NFL's endorsement combine ended Friday with draftees performing for marketing scouts in workouts that included shoe-posing, pizza-enjoying, and automotive co-masculinity. "Unfortunately, under the current rules, college athletes aren't allowed to perform endorsements, so this is really our first chance to see them pretending to use and like these products," said Gatorade scout Grant Bonner, carefully studying running back prospect Trent Richardson as he poured a beverage on his face. "We need to see if these guys have what it takes to be able to support a brand for years to come or are just flash-in-the-pan draft busts who can't even fake a conversation with an animated gecko." Bonner added that Gatorade will probably still sign Andrew Luck despite the highly touted rookie pitchman repeatedly calling the company's product a "flavory drink."

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