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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Playoff-Bound Brewers Celebrate By Spraying Mayonnaise In Locker Room

MILWAUKEE—Moments after the Brewers officially clinched the 2008 NL wild card Sunday, CC Sabathia, Prince Fielder, and the rest of the team celebrated by jumping up and down while dousing each other with giant gouts of mayonnaise.

"As soon as Ryan [Braun] hit that home run, I was like, 'Someone better put the mayo on ice,'" said Sabathia, wiping the thick, egg-and-oil based condiment off his face and then licking it off his fingers. Sabathia, who pitched a complete-game four-hitter, was engulfed in the locker room by teammates who poured seven 48-ounce jars of Hellman's mayonnaise over his head, scooping out the contents of each container with spatulas. First baseman Prince Fielder was even more animated during the celebration, at one point taking off his shirt and chugging a half gallon of mayonnaise. However, in an unfortunate incident, shortstop J.J. Hardy forgot to put on his protective goggles and will as a result miss the entire NLDS with mayo eye.

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