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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Playoff-Bound Brewers Celebrate By Spraying Mayonnaise In Locker Room

MILWAUKEE—Moments after the Brewers officially clinched the 2008 NL wild card Sunday, CC Sabathia, Prince Fielder, and the rest of the team celebrated by jumping up and down while dousing each other with giant gouts of mayonnaise.

"As soon as Ryan [Braun] hit that home run, I was like, 'Someone better put the mayo on ice,'" said Sabathia, wiping the thick, egg-and-oil based condiment off his face and then licking it off his fingers. Sabathia, who pitched a complete-game four-hitter, was engulfed in the locker room by teammates who poured seven 48-ounce jars of Hellman's mayonnaise over his head, scooping out the contents of each container with spatulas. First baseman Prince Fielder was even more animated during the celebration, at one point taking off his shirt and chugging a half gallon of mayonnaise. However, in an unfortunate incident, shortstop J.J. Hardy forgot to put on his protective goggles and will as a result miss the entire NLDS with mayo eye.

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