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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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‘Please Hold While I Send You Through To Mr. Gilmore,’ Says Jim Gilmore Inside Empty Campaign Office

DES MOINES, IA—Sitting by himself behind a computer desk in an otherwise empty rented office space, former Virginia governor and current Republican presidential candidate Jim Gilmore reportedly answered a phone call Sunday by raising his voice to a high-pitched vocal register and asking the caller to hold while he transferred them to Mr. Gilmore. “Just one minute, please,” said Gilmore in a feminine falsetto before approximating the sound of an electronic beep with his voice and then holding still for several moments. “I apologize for the wait; Mr. Gilmore is a very busy man. We’ve been completely backed up all morning. If I can’t get in touch with him, would it be okay to have him return—oh, wait, you’re in luck, here he is. One second…. Hello, this is Jim.” At press time, Gilmore was explaining to the person on the other end of the line that the law office of Cafferty & Sullivan had moved out of the building several weeks ago and was now located over on Union Street.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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