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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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'Please Stop Calling Me Big Baby,' Says Glen 'Pencil Dick' Davis

BOSTON—Irked that a reporter had once again referred to him as "Big Baby" while asking him a question about the NBA lockout, Boston Celtics center Glen "Pencil Dick" Davis lashed out at fans and the media Monday for continuing to call him by his renounced nickname. "I understand people like calling me 'Big Baby' and all that, but it really bothers me, and it's demeaning," Pencil Dick said. "I just don't think 'Big Baby' defines me at all, not anymore. If anything, you should call me Big [Pencil Dick] or Mr. [Pencil Dick]. Even [Pencil Dick] would be fine." None of Davis' teammates could be reached for comment, including Kevin "The Big Fuckface" Garnett.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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