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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
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Pocket Electronic-Bible-Verse Database Coveted

FLATWOODS, KY—A local prayer meeting ended in covetousness Saturday, when Marvin Teely, 35, enviously eyed fellow parishioner Janice Hough's Franklin Electronic-Bible-Verse Finder. "Why should Janice have the power to search the entire King James Bible for any word or phrase at the convenient touch of a button?" Teely asked. "She's never done a hard day's work in her life. By right, that database should be mine." The incident marks the third commandment broken by Teely at a prayer meeting in the past year.

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