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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Podcaster Makes Solemn Promise To Improve Sound Quality Next Episode

AUSTIN, TX—Apologizing profusely for the scratchy tone and uneven audio levels, local man Thomas Gebhard, host of the weekly podcast The Best Is History, solemnly vowed to his listeners Wednesday that the sound quality would be vastly improved for the next episode. “Before we get into anything today, I’d like to apologize to all of you about the audio quality—we had to switch microphones at the last minute, but I promise you everything will be fixed next week,” said Gebhard, assuring his audience that he was well aware of how profoundly poor sound could detract from an otherwise enjoyable history podcast. “Regular listeners will know that I make every effort to present a professional-quality production. Today I fell far, far short of that standard, and for that I am truly sorry.” Sources later confirmed that the sound remained subpar in the following episode and that a disconsolate Gebhard told listeners he’d understand if they never downloaded another episode again.


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