Point In Evening Reached Where Everyone Tries To Lift Biggest Friend

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Vol 45 Issue 12

Oh No, Performers Coming Into Audience

PITTSBURGH—"Their smiles are so big," a female theatergoer said while pretending to look for something in her purse. "Why does that one have a cordless microphone? Is he going to try to talk to us?"
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Point In Evening Reached Where Everyone Tries To Lift Biggest Friend

PIKEVILLE, KY—Three hours and half a keg into the night Thursday, a group of friends reportedly reached the point where everyone present attempts to hoist 261-pound Dennis Ware off the ground. "Get under his arms—do it, do it," said Patrick Henson, referring to the large, reserved civil engineer. "He's trying to make himself heavy! Don't let him make himself heavy!" According to party sources, lifting Ware off his feet was quickly followed by the point in the night where everybody realizes they're over 30.

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