Poke With Stick Confirms Raccoon's Death

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Vol 44 Issue 22

Barr May Take Republican Votes

Former Republican congressman Bob Barr of Georgia was nominated as the Libertarian Party's presidential candidate and may take votes away from John...
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Poke With Stick Confirms Raccoon's Death

HINSDALE, IL—Upon arriving on the scene of a possible raccoon fatality, brothers Jason Everson, 11, and Tyler Everson, 9, were able to positively confirm the small rodent's demise by carefully prodding the lifeless creature several times with a stick, sources reported Tuesday. The Eversons resorted to the highly reliable jabbing test only after a thorough tossing of rocks and an empty soda can at the small mammal yielded no reaction. "We threw stuff at it and then ran away," Jason Everson said of their preliminary investigation. "But we couldn't tell if the stone moved it, or if it was one of those animals that played dead and then bites you." Once they had obtained conclusive proof that the raccoon was deceased, both of the brothers on the scene reportedly wished it was still alive.

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