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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Poland Spring Develops New Eco-Friendly Bottle That Only Takes 300 Years To Decompose

POLAND, ME—Underscoring the company’s commitment to preserving the environment, Poland Spring announced Tuesday it had developed a new eco-friendly water bottle that decomposes in just 300 years. “With our new eco-friendly plastic packaging, your discarded Poland Spring bottle will break down and be reclaimed by the earth in a mere three centuries—that’s almost 200 years faster than the industry standard,” said company spokesperson Dana Rodgers, noting that the change would begin saving space in landfills, reducing ocean waste, and cutting down on toxic chemicals leached into the soil as early as 2316. “You can breathe easy when purchasing refreshing Poland Spring water knowing that you’ll be leaving this world a cleaner, greener place for your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren.” Officials added that the company was also working on a new smaller and less obstructive bottle cap that would moderately lengthen the amount of time a marine mammal would live after accidentally ingesting it.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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