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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Police Continue Investigation Into Body Found At Churchill Downs By Questioning Horse Of Interest

LOUISVILLE, KY—The Louisville Metro Police Department said Thursday it is following all leads in the murder of track worker Adan Fabian Perez, even bringing in Derby horse Daddy Long Legs for questioning as a horse of interest. "While the ongoing investigation prevents us from revealing more at this time, we can tell you that hoofprints were prevalent in and around the stable where the body was discovered," said police spokesman Dwight Mitchell, adding that while no charges have been filed, the horse will be kept in a holding stable for the evening. "Daddy Long Legs has thus far refused to speak to investigators, but we're hopeful that once his court-appointed attorney horse arrives he will be more cooperative." Mitchell concluded his press conference by emphasizing the challenging nature of the investigation, citing the vast numbers of people, horses, mice, flies, crows, spiders, hawks, jockeys, millipedes, raccoons, ticks, earthworms, and stray cats that had access to the barn where Perez was found.

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