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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Police Continue Investigation Into Body Found At Churchill Downs By Questioning Horse Of Interest

LOUISVILLE, KY—The Louisville Metro Police Department said Thursday it is following all leads in the murder of track worker Adan Fabian Perez, even bringing in Derby horse Daddy Long Legs for questioning as a horse of interest. "While the ongoing investigation prevents us from revealing more at this time, we can tell you that hoofprints were prevalent in and around the stable where the body was discovered," said police spokesman Dwight Mitchell, adding that while no charges have been filed, the horse will be kept in a holding stable for the evening. "Daddy Long Legs has thus far refused to speak to investigators, but we're hopeful that once his court-appointed attorney horse arrives he will be more cooperative." Mitchell concluded his press conference by emphasizing the challenging nature of the investigation, citing the vast numbers of people, horses, mice, flies, crows, spiders, hawks, jockeys, millipedes, raccoons, ticks, earthworms, and stray cats that had access to the barn where Perez was found.

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