adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
End Of Section
  • More News

Police Continue Search For Missing Gunman

'She Left Her Wallet At The Cheesecake Factory,' Authorities Say

KANSAS CITY, MO—According to reports, Kansas City police officers are currently searching for a missing Gunman last seen earlier this afternoon in the parking lot of the Cheesecake Factory on Wyandotte Street. “Apparently, at around 1 p.m. today, a woman named Lisa Gunman dropped her wallet at the Cheesecake Factory,” said officer Mike Sterling, who was in the process of interviewing several eyewitnesses who claimed to have last seen the fleeing Gunman driving away in a 2005 Ford Taurus. “We would like to return it to her.” At press time, police officers were reportedly positioned outside the wanted Gunman’s residence.

This is an update of a previous story: Lone Gunman Enters Crowded Restaurant

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close