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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Police Continue Search For Missing Gunman

'She Left Her Wallet At The Cheesecake Factory,' Authorities Say

KANSAS CITY, MO—According to reports, Kansas City police officers are currently searching for a missing Gunman last seen earlier this afternoon in the parking lot of the Cheesecake Factory on Wyandotte Street. “Apparently, at around 1 p.m. today, a woman named Lisa Gunman dropped her wallet at the Cheesecake Factory,” said officer Mike Sterling, who was in the process of interviewing several eyewitnesses who claimed to have last seen the fleeing Gunman driving away in a 2005 Ford Taurus. “We would like to return it to her.” At press time, police officers were reportedly positioned outside the wanted Gunman’s residence.

This is an update of a previous story: Lone Gunman Enters Crowded Restaurant

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