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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Police Find Adorable Little Skeleton

MIDLAND, MI—While exercising a search warrant at a Morgan Road residence Tuesday, officers from the Midland Police Department reported finding an "absolutely adorable" set of skeletonized human remains. "When we pulled that plastic shopping bag from underneath the shed, we had no idea what a cute little surprise was in store for us," said Deputy Jim Olszanski, who noted this was the fourth and by far the tiniest of the miniature skeletons police had recovered from the property over the past week. "Looking into those big eye sockets in its itty-bitty skull or at those teensy hand and feet bones—it melts your heart." Police at the scene said they hoped eventually to find another small skeleton whose spine hadn't been pulverized from apparent blunt-force trauma.

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