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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Police Horrified By Grisly Remains Of Taco Bell Meal

TAMPA, FL—Local authorities were reportedly appalled and disgusted after discovering the brutalized remains of a Taco Bell meal strewn across a table at one of the fast-food chain's Tampa locations Monday.

"The smell was awful—just awful," Tampa police officer Ken Burkett said after covering the mutilated, barely recognizable value meal with a napkin. "Someone really took their time with this one. We'll have to send it to the lab for analysis, but it appears that some of the remains are missing, possibly even eaten. Dear God."

Though there are still no leads on who is responsible for the gruesome mess or what their motives may have been for entering the restaurant in the first place, police say they believe the incident occurred sometime between 1 and 2 a.m.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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