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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Police Horrified By Grisly Remains Of Taco Bell Meal

TAMPA, FL—Local authorities were reportedly appalled and disgusted after discovering the brutalized remains of a Taco Bell meal strewn across a table at one of the fast-food chain's Tampa locations Monday.

"The smell was awful—just awful," Tampa police officer Ken Burkett said after covering the mutilated, barely recognizable value meal with a napkin. "Someone really took their time with this one. We'll have to send it to the lab for analysis, but it appears that some of the remains are missing, possibly even eaten. Dear God."

Though there are still no leads on who is responsible for the gruesome mess or what their motives may have been for entering the restaurant in the first place, police say they believe the incident occurred sometime between 1 and 2 a.m.

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