Police Seek Suspect In Series Of Random Later Hostings

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

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    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Police Seek Suspect In Series Of Random Later Hostings

BURBANK, CA–The Burbank Police Department is on the trail of an unnamed NBC executive believed to be responsible for a string of random Later hostings dating back to April 1996, it was reported Monday. "This brutal, senseless parade of C-list celebrities in the host's chair must end," police chief Dennis Showalter said. "We will do everything in our power to bring to justice the fiend responsible for the countless painfully awkward interviews perpetrated by the low-wattage likes of Peri Gilpin, Jerry O'Connell, and Rita Sever."