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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Political Cartoonist Not Sure How To Convey That Large Sack In Senator’s Hand Is Full Of Money

CHICAGO—Admitting that he has completely run out of ideas at this point, local political cartoonist Lawrence Cleary told reporters Monday that he is unsure how to convey that a large sack being clutched by a U.S. senator in his latest drawing is full of money. “In order for this one to work, the reader has to know that it’s a big bag of cash the senator’s holding, but how can I possibly get that idea across? ” the Chicago Tribune satirist told reporters, referring to the as-yet-unfinished black-and-white sketch, which features an unnamed politician carrying the bulging, unmarked sack while strolling out of a building marked “Middle Class Savings & Loan,” underneath the caption “Politics As Usual…” “I was thinking of maybe having a few coins spilling from the top of the bag, or maybe he’s already dropped an open bag on the ground and we can see a bunch of cash inside of it. I guess I could always give him a speech bubble that says, ‘There’s a bunch of money in this bag that I took from the American people,’ but that might be spelling it out too much. Maybe he could be wearing a name tag that reads ‘Senator Moneybags,’ thereby denoting that the bag he is holding is in fact filled with money?” At press time, Cleary had decided to write the word “money” on the bag.

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