Politician Spots Young Female Aide, And So It Begins

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Politician Spots Young Female Aide, And So It Begins

WASHINGTON—While attending a legislative strategy session this afternoon, Virginia congressman Alan James reportedly caught sight of a young female aide in attendance and, ah, sources confirmed, so it begins. “Hi, I’m Representative James—it’s a pleasure to have you working with us,” the 48-year-old politician reportedly said to the recent college graduate following the meeting, eliciting from her a shy, flattered response and a flush of her cheeks, the first soft steps in a delicate dance that has unfolded with elegant precision time and again for untold generations. “I have a good sense about these things, and I can tell that you’re going to be an important member of our team, and I’m going to personally make sure you’re involved in all aspects of my policies and campaign. I very much look forward to working closely with you.” With the fated events set in motion, sources reported that the congressman moved on to the requisite second movement of the time-honored performance, in which he retired to his office and told his manager to call his wife to tell her he had to work late.

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