Politician Spots Young Female Aide, And So It Begins

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Vol 49 Issue 31

Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S.

Reading Rainbow Trout

PBS 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Job Growth Remains Sluggish, Or Rather, Akin To A Slug

WASHINGTON—Despite recent hopes that the lifeless U.S. employment climate may at last be turning a corner, a new report issued Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that nationwide job growth remains sluggish, or rather, akin to a slug in i...

Highlights From Ariel Castro’s Courtroom Statement

Ariel Castro, the 53-year-old Cleveland man who abducted, imprisoned, and repeatedly raped three women over the course of 11 years, made a brief statement during a court hearing Thursday, shortly before he was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

A spokesman for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed that the state, which has the nation’s highest rate of executions, is running low on the lethal injection drug pentobarbital and would exhaust its supply in September.
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Politician Spots Young Female Aide, And So It Begins

WASHINGTON—While attending a legislative strategy session this afternoon, Virginia congressman Alan James reportedly caught sight of a young female aide in attendance and, ah, sources confirmed, so it begins. “Hi, I’m Representative James—it’s a pleasure to have you working with us,” the 48-year-old politician reportedly said to the recent college graduate following the meeting, eliciting from her a shy, flattered response and a flush of her cheeks, the first soft steps in a delicate dance that has unfolded with elegant precision time and again for untold generations. “I have a good sense about these things, and I can tell that you’re going to be an important member of our team, and I’m going to personally make sure you’re involved in all aspects of my policies and campaign. I very much look forward to working closely with you.” With the fated events set in motion, sources reported that the congressman moved on to the requisite second movement of the time-honored performance, in which he retired to his office and told his manager to call his wife to tell her he had to work late.

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