adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
End Of Section
  • More News

Politician Spots Young Female Aide, And So It Begins

WASHINGTON—While attending a legislative strategy session this afternoon, Virginia congressman Alan James reportedly caught sight of a young female aide in attendance and, ah, sources confirmed, so it begins. “Hi, I’m Representative James—it’s a pleasure to have you working with us,” the 48-year-old politician reportedly said to the recent college graduate following the meeting, eliciting from her a shy, flattered response and a flush of her cheeks, the first soft steps in a delicate dance that has unfolded with elegant precision time and again for untold generations. “I have a good sense about these things, and I can tell that you’re going to be an important member of our team, and I’m going to personally make sure you’re involved in all aspects of my policies and campaign. I very much look forward to working closely with you.” With the fated events set in motion, sources reported that the congressman moved on to the requisite second movement of the time-honored performance, in which he retired to his office and told his manager to call his wife to tell her he had to work late.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close