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Politics

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Poll: 63% Of Americans Say They Have A Problem With A Mormon President Who Is Also Mitt Romney

WASHINGTON—A Gallup poll released Tuesday suggests voters are highly resistant to electing a Mormon who is Mitt Romney as president of the United States. "I'm already hesitant to vote for a Mormon, and I'm especially uncomfortable if that Mormon is Mitt Romney," said Wyoming voter Dale Butler, 63, adding that he needed only the slightest extra excuse not to vote for a Mormon candidate, and that the candidate in question being Mitt Romney “probably sealed the deal." "I don't expect anyone to be perfect, but in the end, I just don't think I can overlook the fact that someone is both a Mormon and Mitt Romney. Personally, that's just too much for me." The same poll revealed that voters were more than willing to overlook the serial philandering of a candidate who was not also Newt Gingrich.

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