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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Poll Finds Americans Would Be Open To Third Type Of Screwdriver Head

WASHINGTON—A CBS/New York Times poll released Tuesday revealed that while an overwhelming majority of Americans are "more than happy" with the two screwdriver heads currently available to them, 64 percent would be willing to entertain the idea of using a third type. "Well, I've never had a problem with my Phillips or my flathead, but if the question is would I reject a new screwdriver head outright without even trying it first, then the answer is no, I don't think I would," said Tulsa, OK resident Joe Reynolds, adding that when it comes to new ways to tighten and fasten screws, he remains "skeptical but open-minded." "Now, if the third type of screwdriver head didn't work as well as the two I'm currently accustomed to, then that would be a different story; if that were the case, then I would not be inclined to use it." Despite the poll results, numerous hardware manufacturers have confirmed they currently have no plans to manufacture or release a third screwdriver head.

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