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Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Candidate Most Americans Want To Have 8-Ounce Glass Of Tap Water With

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Election 2016

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

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WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election.

Campaign Announces Clinton Has Entered Incubation Period After Securing Nomination

Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say

NEW YORK—Immediately after she clinched the 2,383 delegates needed to secure the Democratic presidential nomination Monday night, campaign aides announced that Hillary Clinton had retreated to a dark corner of her Brooklyn headquarters and entered the beginning of a 16-week incubation period.

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Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

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Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.
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Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Candidate Most Americans Want To Have 8-Ounce Glass Of Tap Water With

WASHINGTON—According to a Pew Research Center poll released Tuesday, the majority of registered voters in the U.S. chose Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton as the candidate they would most like to have an 8-ounce glass of tap water with. “Roughly 68 percent of the likely voters we surveyed said that among the current field of presidential hopefuls, they would prefer to drink a small paper cup of room-temperature water with Hillary Clinton,” said researcher Rachel Glenn, who added that both registered Democrats and Republicans said they could readily see themselves standing next to Clinton in front of a kitchen sink or beside a water cooler, with both nodding politely at each other’s pleasantries while they took sips from their respective cups. “Unlike a Donald Trump or a Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton is widely considered by Americans to be the kind of person they could spend a minute or so with until they finished their glass of water before quietly walking away. That quality isn’t something a candidate can just learn, but Clinton has it.” Glenn noted that this issue could be crucial when it comes time for Americans to resign themselves to one candidate in November.


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