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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Poll Finds Only 83% Of New Yorkers Visit Statue Of Liberty Every Day

NEW YORK—According to the results of a Gallup poll released Friday, only 83 percent of New York City’s population—or barely 7 million residents—visit and tour the Statue of Liberty daily. “We were surprised to find that nearly one in five New Yorkers do not set aside several hours each day to ride a ferry to Liberty Island, snap pictures around and within Lady Liberty, and listen to lectures by park rangers on the statue’s history and cultural significance,” said Gallup demographer Lindsay Abraham, adding that although the majority of New York citizens wake up before work to visit the Statue of Liberty’s crown each weekday morning, most only take in the view for a maximum of 40 minutes before leaving. “Perhaps most interestingly, residents of the New York metropolitan area tend to spend a mere five hours every week watching Statue of Liberty–related documentaries in the island’s information center and museum. It may be for this reason that the purchase of gift shop items such as Statue of Liberty–themed T-shirts, snow globes, and novelty hats accounts for a mere $4,800 annually out of the average New Yorker’s pocket.” Abraham added that researchers were further shocked to discover that barely three-fourths of New York residents could recite from memory the entire Emma Lazarus poem “The New Colossus” mounted inside the statue’s pedestal.

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