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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Poll: Majority Of Americans Still Remember Where They Were When Gandalf Fell Into Abyss

WASHINGTON—Stating that the extremely traumatic nature of the event appeared to have left many respondents with unusually strong and vivid memories, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday revealing that most Americans can still recall exactly where they were when Gandalf the Grey fell into the abyss at the Mines of Moria. “I distinctly remember my dad and I sitting in front of the living room TV as we watched Gandalf fall—I remember just staring in total shock,” said Peter Lee of Anaheim, CA, one of the 1,500 individuals surveyed for the poll, which found that many Americans possessed near-photographic memories of their precise location, who they were with, as well as the emotions experienced upon seeing Balrog wrap his fiery whip around Gandalf’s legs. “We couldn’t believe it was actually happening. That moment is seared into my brain. I’ll never forget watching Gandalf tumble down and say ‘Fly, you fools’ just before plummeting into the darkness. Things were never really the same again after that.” The poll also showed that many Americans later struggled to broach the subject of Gandalf falling into the bottomless pit with their young children.

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