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Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Poll Reveals You Live In Country Where Mentally Ill Man Still Has Good Chance Of Being Senator

WASHINGTON—A new poll of the Missouri electorate reported this week that Sen. Claire McCaskill holds a tenuous lead in the state’s Senate race over Rep. Todd Akin, essentially revealing that you live in a nation where a man who is deeply and irrefutably mentally ill can nevertheless stand a solid chance of winning higher office. “Current data shows that, contrary to any conventional notions of human reason or logic, a man with a questionable grasp on reality is evidently quite able to attain a prominent government position in the nation you are a citizen of,” said researcher Donald Schur, noting that the man in question currently holds a one-percent lead, “yes, lead,” in several other similar election polls. “That’s right, you, the average citizen, live in a country where a human being deep in the throes of delusion can not only be elected to higher office on six prior occasions, but may in fact be voted into office again despite his psychological instability being put on full display in the most spectacular fashion imaginable. This is the place where you live, and work, and pay taxes.” Researchers also noted that, according to recent evidence, this kind of thing actually doesn’t surprise you too much anymore.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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