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Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Poll: Ted Cruz Currently Leads Among Voters Disputing Boundaries Of Neighbor’s Yard

HAMDEN, CT—According to a Quinnipiac University poll released Monday, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz now holds a considerable lead among voters who are currently locked in a months-long dispute over the boundaries of their neighbors’ yards. “We found that 74 percent of homeowners who have angrily confronted a neighbor to explain precisely why the property line as presently demarcated is actually off by several feet strongly favor Cruz for president,” said pollster Adelia Mayhew, noting the Texas senator was also the top choice of voters who had interrupted a town council meeting—land record printouts in hand—to demand that action be taken against the offending resident. “Furthermore, while Cruz enjoys a roughly 35 percent lead with voters who have taken it upon themselves to cut down tree limbs they believe extend onto their side of the lawn, he commands greater than 80 percent support among voters who, after months of heated arguments, hire someone to build a 7-foot-high fence along the disputed boundary while their neighbor is away at work.” Mayhew added, however, that Cruz dropped to second place among those voters currently packing powerful explosives into old tree stumps on their property they wish to remove.

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