GREENVILLE, DE—Local election workers confirmed Tuesday that they overheard Vice President Joe Biden repeating the phrase “banged her” and describing salacious details of sexual encounters with various female candidates as he read through the names listed on his ballot. “Banged her, fucked her, boned the shit out of her, got a tug job from that one, went down on her,” said Biden, scanning through a list that included Jill Stein, Cheri Honkala, Karen Weldin Stewart, Cheryl Anne Valenzuela, and nine-time Delaware state Rep. Deborah D. Hudson. “She sucked me off in ’86 after a fundraiser in Wilmington. Oh, brother, Debbie Hudson had the thickest bush I’d ever seen. That thing would get so soaked when we went at it.” Poll workers also reportedly overheard the vice president loudly recalling that he had recently been in a “foursome” that included Delaware gubernatorial candidates Jack A. Markell and Jeffrey E. Cragg.
Check back throughout the day for live updates from the Onion political team as it covers Election Day 2012.