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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Poll Workers Overhear Biden Repeating Phrase 'Banged Her' While Reading Names On Ballot

GREENVILLE, DE—Local election workers confirmed Tuesday that they overheard Vice President Joe Biden repeating the phrase “banged her” and describing salacious details of sexual encounters with various female candidates as he read through the names listed on his ballot. “Banged her, fucked her, boned the shit out of her, got a tug job from that one, went down on her,” said Biden, scanning through a list that included Jill Stein, Cheri Honkala, Karen Weldin Stewart, Cheryl Anne Valenzuela, and nine-time Delaware state Rep. Deborah D. Hudson. “She sucked me off in ’86 after a fundraiser in Wilmington. Oh, brother, Debbie Hudson had the thickest bush I’d ever seen. That thing would get so soaked when we went at it.” Poll workers also reportedly overheard the vice president loudly recalling that he had recently been in a “foursome” that included Delaware gubernatorial candidates Jack A. Markell and Jeffrey E. Cragg.

Check back throughout the day for live updates from the Onion political team as it covers Election Day 2012.
 

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